I have sat down to write this 2020 manifesto progress report at least four times. All my best avoidance strategies have come out. Procrastination, finding other ‘important’ tasks to do and mindless games all feature in the past few days. I got curious about why I was so strongly avoiding this. Then the tears sprang up. Reflecting on progress over a year always contains emotion. Add 2020 to that. The story I am telling myself is that I have failed to meet the goals I set and the manifesto I established. The critical part of me is loud in the background. So what is the truth?
I am asking myself some questions as I read over my manifesto again and review how it turned out:
- What were the wins in this area?
- How did I approach this goal?
- What would I tell a friend if this was their progress?
- Why do I feel the way I do about it?
- What was behind the fluctuations in progress?
- Would I still keep this as a goal for next year?
Maybe similar questions will help you as you reflect on different areas and goals in your own life. Here are a few thoughts on my 2020 manifesto progress for the first few intentions. (Click on the title of each one to read my original thoughts at the start of the year.)
My word for the year and the word I didn’t want. It was so needed. Fear has knocked in so many new ways this year. I knew that I would need courage to leave a job of ten years, take on a new leadership role and launch my own business. I had no idea that our lives would all be shaken with long-lasting impacts still rolling on. Courage fuelled hope. It took courage to keep going when giving up felt easier. I know I have grown in this- a quiet, inner strength continuing to be refined.
This is a work in progress! I have fluctuated wildly between rest (or really avoidance masquerading as rest often) and hustle. It has felt impossible to develop any regular rhythms, although I know much of that was through my own perceptions in the past few months. I know I have work to do in the area of using my work time more effectively now that I am working from home full-time. The same is true for activities that truly restore my body and soul. I suspect this intention will flow through to next year as I continue to tweak and refine my weeks.
Moments of deep rest stand out in my mind, especially a writers’ retreat. Some rhythms, like a Sunday sabbath from social media, have become habit. Others, like going to bed earlier, are more hit and miss. I am learning how to operate out of this place of rest. I am quicker to notice the signs when this foundation is not present and make a course correction. Maybe that’s really the focus I need to have. I suspect this will be a lifelong pursuit. Perhaps it is the ability to make those little adjustments frequently that is required.
This is a tender one for me. I was making great strides but have gone off track in many ways. I am an emotional eater to a greater degree than I acknowledged before. Consistent engagement in movement is far from a reality yet. I will celebrate the new workouts I have discovered and the times of doing them with my daughter. I remember the times I have made the choice not to eat my emotions but to process them. I choose to keep taking steps forward, even if they are wobbly and inconsistent. The goal of health and energy for the long term is too important to give up on.
Next week I will look at the rest of my 2020 manifesto progress. Maybe it won’t take me quite so many attempts to get started!
How are you processing and reflecting on this year?