Staying tethered

Do you ever feel like you are getting lost in your own thoughts and find it hard to return to the real world? Does the lure of distraction and numbing tug at you constantly? Me too. There are times when I think I might just get lost and untethered permanently. Of course, this is often linked to times of overwhelm or pain but I am recognising more and more that there is a natural inclination in myself towards this. It can be both a strength and a challenge in many ways.

My word for 2018 was “savour”. Honestly, there were many points in the year when I had completely forgotten what it was and had to look it up again. I certainly don’t feel like I have delved into this concept like I wanted to at the start of the year. I could allow myself to start labelling that a failure and heap negativity on my shoulders. Instead, I am thankful for the times I kept this as a focus and give myself grace to be a work in progress.

I think choosing this word was part of my soul longing to stay tethered to truth and reality in the face of a challenging year. A part of me knew that my default response would be to escape into the world in my head or the world contained in the pages of a book, game or social media. I was longing to be able to stay present with the people I love.

Do you ever have unexpected moments of deeper understanding? Times when something becomes more clear and in focus? Sometimes that understanding and clarity brings pain and discomfort as you recognise truth you didn’t want to embrace before. That same pain and discomfort brings opportunity for growth.

That deeper understanding and clarity for me over this month? It has to do with why the concept of “savour” was both so vital and so difficult for me. Over this year, I have been dipping in and out of exploring the Enneagram. If you haven’t heard of it, the Enneagram is an ancient system of understanding personality that has been gaining in popularity in recent times. I have always loved exploring personality and have found seeking to know myself more to be essential in my personal growth. The Enneagram is not a simple “take a test” personality assessment but a complex and nuanced way of thinking about the ever-fluid human personality. I love that it takes into account levels of health, tendencies in times of stress and in times of growth. It takes a long time to get your head around it and pinpoint where you fit.

Something clicked last week as a listened to a podcast and did some further reading based on what their conversation sparked in me. I hadn’t been able to get to that “yes, that is me” place that I heard others talk about. I had narrowed it down to what I thought I might be. I was wrong! (I am a 9 with possibly a 1 wing if you are interested)

While exploring this has brought into harsh focus elements of myself I preferred to ignore, it has also equipped me with the focus I need to both give myself the grace to be who I am and work towards being the healthiest version of me that I can be. It has given me some red flags to watch for and ideas for tools to help me to stay grounded. I have so much more to learn and develop in.

So what keeps me tethered in this season? This week, it has been going for almost daily walks, basking in the blue skies, trees, and grass. I am recognising once more that being in nature is deeply spiritual for me. It simultaneously lifts me to higher levels of thought and contemplation while grounding me to the real world around me. A natural element that is so significant for me and has the ability to snap me into the present moment is feathers. Spotting feathers as I walk is this tangible reminder that I am held and seen by God.

What about you? Have you explored the Enneagram and figured out your number? What is keeping you grounded in this season?