My fears and hopes as I launch out
This journey of leaving regular, dependable employment feels like I am leaping out into a chasm. It is easy to feel courageous when I am sitting and talking with a coach or others encouraging me in this journey. Courage is hard to hold on to when the self-doubt comes, when looking at financial decisions coming up and when anticipating the work it will take to bring in an income in these next few months and years. There is fear and hope as I launch out.
I am terrified. Have I made the right decision? Who am I to think I can earn a living from writing, speaking and coaching? How long will I give this launch before I admit defeat and find a regular job again? I worry that I will let my family down by forcing us to live on a tight income for the ‘selfish’ pursuit of my passions. I question if I have what it takes to put myself out there time after time and put a price tag on the work I do. It is easy to focus on the many fears that swirl in my brain.
So why haven’t I given up on this plan and chosen to stay in my comfort zone? I can’t if I am who I say I am. Courage and leadership are two of my key values. I cannot continue to live at odds with this. Pursuing these values in only part of my life no longer satisfies the need to be true to who I feel called to be. How can I continue to write about these topics and train others in these principles if I am not prepared to jump in fully myself?
Faith is another of my core values. I have come to have more faith and security in a predictable paycheck than in who I believe God to be in my life. (I am certainly not saying you have to leave your job to be full of faith! This is just where I am at personally.) I have felt the pull to step forward into these new arenas repeatedly for years and kept ignoring them. Again, faith in some areas no longer satisfies if I am not willing to grow in this aspect.
I acknowledge the fears that surround this launch out. I remind myself of the why behind my decisions. Then I look forward in hope. I may not fully be the person I need to be to walk this journey well, but I am a work in progress. It is impossible to become that person you need to be until you are actively taking the steps forward in the seemingly impossible journey. Growth comes through action and moving past your comfort zone.
Maybe you are contemplating a shift or a new dream. Perhaps it feels too scary or unlikely. I didn’t start this process with this giant leap. This leap is a culmination of many small steps taken in often unseen moments that have brought me to this ledge. You may need to find your next right step that takes you closer to that dream or builds the muscle of courage and commitment in your life.
Maybe you are also at this point of a major leap like me. We can scream in terror together then remind each other of the why and the hope. Let’s continue to hold the big picture in front of us. Let’s continue to see the people that could be impacted by our decision to say yes. It isn’t all about me and it isn’t all about you. We are part of a wider community who may need what we have to give. Do we let fear hold us back from that?
I am learning to sit in the tension of fear and hope. This is me launching into the next phase of running a business not just a hobby.
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