This post was inspired by the Five Minute Friday prompt word “Thirteen”. I am gathering with many other writers to write for five minutes unedited. You can see the other contributions here. Five minutes is obviously not long to tackle such a big topic and I certainly haven’t elaborated on all that is in my mind. Maybe this will turn into a series of posts?
My husband and I have been married for over 13 years. It doesn’t seem possible that it is that long and yet it feels like it has always been. Reflecting on some things that I have learned over these years has been challenging in some ways. It hasn’t always been easy! Marriage takes so much work. There have been many time when I wondered if we would make it through.
The biggest realisation that I’ve come to personally is that my marriage has improved most when I have focused on working on myself. As I have become a healthier version of me, I am better able to compromise, to fight my negative default, to take steps to stop bottling up my thoughts and feelings, to stop avoiding confrontation and work through issues. I so appreciate my husband creating space for me to grow and flourish. This has not been an easy journey.
I also realise more and more that I cannot look to my marriage or my husband to make me happy. That puts unrealistic pressure on another human being and an imperfect human relationship. I feel that this isn’t really the goal of marriage. Not that I’m advocating being miserable in a marriage! For me it is more realising that there will be hard times, there will be conflict and there will be times when I’m not happy. The value and intimacy that is created by working through these times and getting to the other side is so worth it though.
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