How do you respond when your plans and days seem to be unravelling around you? When your carefully balanced schedule gets thrown off by the unexpected? I have been scrambling to grab at the loose threads to pull them back together. I’ve been trying to get more organised (i.e. stay in control in my own strength.) I’ve been feeling the tension build and the allure of giving up on all of the plans. The pull to bury my head, numb out on mindless entertainment and retreat into my own space has felt strong once more.
This is nothing new. These patterns are familiar. I know that you will have those familiar pulls in your own life, even if they look different to mine. We have these defaults that we fall into without any effort. What happens when we wake up to these patterns and recognise the impact they have in our lives? These defaults are rarely helpful in the long run, at least in my own life. They perpetuate the issues and put them off for another time but don’t resolve them.
I wish awareness was enough to produce change once and for all. I sometimes think that ignorance feels easier. Once I know that I am defaulting into unhelpful attempts at coping, I am faced with a choice to keep going wilfully or make the uphill battle to change that pattern. I have to gather my resources and enter the fray once more. That feels exhausting.
The unravelling of my days and my plans is really an unravelling of me. It’s uncomfortable. It feels unsafe. I recognise the need for it once more though. You see, the parts that are unravelled are the parts that don’t serve me well, that don’t foster health and growth. I try to hold on to them because they are known. The unknown is scary. I remind myself of the freedom that waits on the other side. I have been through this unravelling before. The threads are always woven back together in beautiful ways that I couldn’t orchestrate myself.
For now, I submit once more to the process. I trust in the One who walks me through it. I release the grip I have on the threads, trying to keep them in the places I think they need to be. I choose to resist my default and walk in intention today instead.
What does that look like?
- Getting to the pool in the early hours of this morning for the first time in a couple of weeks when I wanted to stay in bed.
- Leaning in to prayer, journalling and time with God
- Pushing myself to keep communicating how I am feeling with those closest to me, even if it doesn’t go quite like I hoped.
- Listening to podcasts on Enneagram Type 9 (that’s me) to remind myself of what healthy looks like for me and that I am not the only one seeking to push past those same defaults.
- Releasing my need for this week to go perfectly and focus on what is most important in each day. I won’t get everything done that I had hoped. I am still me- valuable, loved and whole.
- Allowing myself some space to hide and numb and not be fighting through- but not allowing that to blow out.
- Practicing gratitude (I spoke on this at a MOPS group yesterday. Coincidence or perfect timing as a reminder?)
I don’t know what your week or month looks like. I don’t know what those defaults are in your life. Maybe you feel like you are unravelling too. Lean in with me. Let’s allow the unravelling to do its work in the hands of a loving God who wants to draw out the best in you and me and bring release from those tangles.
What does walking in intention look like for you today?